Going for promotion can be a lonely place. It’s called Leadership Loneliness.
You probably already know that, having spent time studying for the exam, compiling an application, or preparing for your interview. That’s time spent away from loved ones and or doing things you enjoy. For police promotion in particular, there’s also a stigma about seeking help, causing officers to ‘keep quiet’ about their ambitions.
And when successfully posted into a leadership position, be warned: Things are about to get even lonelier as you take on extra responsibilities. You’ll face ‘leadership loneliness’.
“If you’re in leadership and you’re lonely, don’t be surprised, be relieved. Loneliness is an indicator that we’re fulfilling at least one of our leadership responsibilities… taking responsibility.” – John Mckee
It’s something many leaders feel or fear. But the good news is, you’re not alone.
In this blog, I summarise some key points from my more in-depth recent premium podcast on ‘leadership loneliness’. I share perspectives on loneliness, bracing yourself for it, and more importantly, how to mitigate. All this stems from a single Post-it note from a recent promotion and leadership seminar, one of seven I’ve provided so far this year in forces across the country.
Officers’ Fears and Concerns About Promotion
Galloping into this new year of the horse, I set out with clear intent to support as many promotion candidates in person as possible. This includes providing promotion and leadership seminars to hundreds of aspiring candidates in several forces (contact me if you want me to come to your force).
In Staffordshire, I asked aspiring officers to write on a Post-it note their main fears or concerns about promotion. One simply said “Loneliness”.
This one word inspired me to write this blog and record a dedicated podcast on leadership loneliness. It stood out from the rest. The word loneliness just kept coming back in my thoughts. Clearly it was also on the mind of the aspiring officer who walked up and stuck it to the flipchart. And it’s a real concern for many thinking ahead into their new role.
The Hidden Cost of Promotion: Why Success Can Feel So Lonely
“The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness.” – Joseph Smith
Definition: Leadership loneliness is the isolation often felt by those in leadership positions. The management position and additional responsibility creates social distance from former peers and colleagues.
Leadership loneliness is relevant not just for newly appointed leaders but also experienced ones. Seeing it highlighted by an aspiring promotion candidate ahead of their force promotion process conveyed that individual’s thinking around future expectations.
Mark Pitman alludes to this expectation paradox:
“You must simultaneously project confidence while managing natural human uncertainties. This creates an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance – publicly projecting certainty while privately navigating ambiguity. This division between external presentation and internal experience contributes significantly to feelings of isolation.”
Stepping up into a formal leadership position means change. With that in mind, reflecting on the aspect of loneliness as part of your continuous professional development (CPD) will help the ‘future you’ balance the degree of professional isolation expected whilst wearing those stripes or pips. It will not be time wasted.
Moving from peer to supervisor can result in feeling lonely, not only because the leadership dynamic changes for you and for your colleagues, but also because expectations of you from now on will be different.
Leadership for people, performance and change are role functions common to both first- and second-line supervisors. Here’s some food for thought:
- What will you expect of yourself as a newly promoted leader?
- What will your team expect of you?
- And what will your line manager expect of you?
Just as important, what will your expectations be of them?
Being promoted does lead to exclusion and intentional distancing. Here’s another perspective from former American police chief Edward Werder, alluding to changing dynamics when you step up onto that first rung on the rank ladder:
“Having just been promoted from the ranks, it is only natural to want to continue to be one of the troops. However, great teachers and leaders know it is best to have a distance between the supervisor and those they supervise. So with great reluctance, newly appointed sergeants must gradually and diplomatically create an appropriate distance between themselves and those they supervise. People will say you have changed, become ‘uppity’, or have forgotten from where you came. They likely may be kidding, but you will take it seriously and have second thoughts about your primary loyalties. Forget it! You are different. You have changed… the most effective leaders stand appropriately apart from those they supervise. This is not because they wish to dominate them, but because they wish to help them.”
You might be further interested in my podcast trilogy on The Great Sergeant (Season 5, Episodes 21-23). One key shift in leadership mindset Werder describes for example, is that the primary loyalty of the Sergeant is to the organisation. What are your thoughts on that?
Attacking Leadership Loneliness
Rising through the ranks means gaining authority and losing camaraderie. Promotion requires a degree of intentional distance to maintain professionalism. Close bonds forged with colleagues as a peer tend to dissipate as you ascend. As one Chief Officer advised aspiring candidates when opening one of my recent in-force promotion and leadership seminars (paraphrased):
“The hardest thing when making the journey to Sergeant or Inspector is realising you’re no longer one of the team. You can’t just be chums. You’re the boss.”
That said, leadership loneliness is both normal and manageable.
“Leadership is a fine thing, but it has its penalties. And the greatest penalty is loneliness.” – Ernest Shackleton
By the way, please get in touch if you’d like me to provide my new Promotion and Leadership Seminar to support aspiring officers or staff in your force. The feedback to date has been awesome, for example see below the totality of how candidates fed back when asked to describe the session in just 3 words. In this word cloud, the size of the word truly emphasises how often it was said:
Attacking leadership loneliness requires deliberate thinking in advance. This segways nicely to the concept of a personal leadership ‘maintenance plan’. This is something you can implement to support yourself with your growth, development and resilience as a new leader, manager and supervisor. What might that plan look like?
“As important as it is to have a plan for doing work, it is perhaps more important to have a plan for rest, relaxation, self-care, and sleep.” – Akiroq Brost
As a new Sergeant you may initially feel isolated because you are no longer ‘one of the troops’. The weight of those new stripes might feel heavier, certainly in your first few months, until you find a level of confidence in the role. That will include using personal judgement to reflect on whether you’ve struck a balance between effective connection with team members, and a measure of professional distance.
The good news? You can reduce the impact of loneliness and the expectation paradox of the role by creating a specific support system for yourself…
Practical Tips for Support on Leadership Loneliness…
First port of call? Who’s in your support group now? Who will you retain? Who can help?
Building a Supportive Peer Network
Not everyone can come on the next step of your leadership journey with you, because you will carry different responsibilities which others don’t share. You’ll be privy to information and decisions you can’t always disclose at the time; just like other new leaders who are experiencing the same challenges.
The growth opportunity presented here is to establish or join a peer network. Many Sergeants are in the same boat to start with. Those who went before you, are clearly potential points of contact and more likely to ‘get it’ when you ask for help. An individual asked for support in this way is unlikely to say no. They will understand the role’s expectations, without you having to explain the dynamics of the rank.
They are there, a little further along the road than you and because leadership is also about lifelong learning, they will understand and recognise the potential mentoring opportunity. Choose three to five of these experienced individuals. Ask questions. Discuss the job. Vent and share your experience. Arrange regular sessions. Reflect and repeat.
As a personal perspective, I was promoted from Detective Sergeant to Detective Inspector and promptly sought support from experienced colleagues already in post. I knew I would need this because the role involved ‘on call’ duty as DI for half of Devon (and later, the whole of Devon).
I soon discovered the loneliness that comes from being a new DI e.g. being contacted at 2am by control room to turn out for serious crimes to ensure early effective action. A couple of ‘baptisms of fire’ helped shape my early experiences! I worked as part of a cadre of DIs across the force, benefitting tremendously from peer support in the early months especially, then on an ongoing basis.
Being able to pick that phone up at any time, grab a coffee and discuss issues as I learned the ropes, was something I valued immensely. Reviewing ongoing investigations, checking early effective actions and decisions, identifying gaps and collectively aiding each other’s learning. Looking back now, I couldn’t imagine not having that in place. I count myself very lucky to have experienced this peer support. It definitely helped mitigate any feeling of leadership loneliness, especially in the first few months.
Prioritise Your Self-Care
You can’t lead on empty. Being physically and mentally depleted can make feelings of isolation and leadership loneliness worse. Encompassing rest and relaxation periods into your leadership maintenance plan will support your resilience, that capacity and capability to perform at your best and to promptly return to your best.
Self-awareness on this is important. Whether it’s going for a run, gym, gaming, meditation, a swim, reading or walking the dog, recharging your physical and mental state is critical.
Find a Mentor
You’ll need someone you can be honest with. Someone respected, and who has survived the ‘new sergeant’ stage of their career. You might alternatively approach someone two ranks up, for a different perspective. Touch base monthly and treat this as a supportive conversation. Bring questions and issues you seek guidance on.
Treat your mentor’s time as valuably as your own. Most people will be flattered you have asked them and will recognise mentoring as part of leadership learning, progression and support. The further people progress up the ranks, the more distance exists between them and the frontline. With this in mind, reverse mentoring is also useful for those in more senior ranks.
Protect and Nurture Life Outside the Job
In my promotion masterclasses and other support, I often remind aspiring officers that the next promotion isn’t the be-all and end-all of life. Failure is not a judgement of your abilities or personality. Most senior officers have failed along their journey (as they often share in my exclusive free podcasts with them or when introducing the start of my new Promotion and Leadership Seminars to attendees in their force), and it’s something to be learned from.
Likewise, it can sometimes feel as though “the job” itself is your entire identity. It isn’t. So one good way to approach and combat this aspect of ‘new leadership’ loneliness is not to let your life outside the job wither.
Keep your interests and activities outside the job alive, whether that’s fishing, socialising, fitness, or holidays to look forward to. Don’t be the one to cancel arrangements.
Leadership loneliness diminishes when you think about yourself as a whole person, not only in the context of ‘the job’ as a cop or a rank.
You Are Not Alone…
“To say I am over the moon is an understatement, I passed. Not only did I pass but I passed with flying colours scoring 4’s, even in the written exercise! I can truly say hand on heart today I would not be writing this email of “rank success” without Steve’s support and fantastic online promotion support. If you have self-doubt, lack direction where to start and just need that focus to start believing in yourself, you are not alone. We all feel this way it just takes that courage to admit you need support and direction.” Sharon – Passed Chief Inspector Promotion Board
I hope you’ve found this blog and more in-depth premium podcast helpful.
What strategies to combat loneliness resonate most with you? The peer support, self-care, mentoring, and/or life beyond policing? Or is there something else that works for you and your needs?
If you are feeling stuck in a lonely and uncertain place, particularly with preparing for promotion, help is at hand. I provide a massive suite of free resources you can explore. Plus, feel free to give me a phone call. I’m always happy to help and there’s no strings.
Watch out for more content to aid your promotion ambitions and police leadership CPD. Until then, I wish you the very best on your career journey.
Kind Regards, Steve
Seeking police promotion? Want a MASSIVE head start right now and a focus on what matters? Hit the ground running with my great value digital promotion toolkits, and/or my market-leading Police Promotion Masterclass and CVF explainers. There’s nothing else like it to effectively prepare you for success and level the playing field of promotion. Any questions? Get in touch for a free call or to arrange more personal coaching support. Tune in to my extensive podcast for regular powerful leadership CPD and promotion insights.
